It’s no wonder so many people have a difficult time surviving the holidays in the best of circumstances. There is so much pressure to decorate, bake the goodies, buy the presents, wrap them, attend all the gatherings, hear and sing the carols, dress in the festive spirit, plan the meals, make the travel arrangements, and on and on and on. We are blasted with sappy Christmas movies, advertisements from every direction, urged to give on credit, and an obligatory feeling of having to buy something for EVERYONE we know. It’s CRAZY. Please, just STOP.
We get Christmas magic crammed down our throats from every direction and usually it’s got a retail price tag attached. We’ve spun ourselves into this holiday frenzy, and when we step back and look at the stress we’ve worked up for ourselves, it’s really quite ridiculous–especially when it robs of us of being present to those around us.
I’m not implying there should be absence of exuberant joy in the season. I celebrate CHRISTmas. There is joy in giving to those we love, especially if there are young children in the household. There is a beauty in the lights and ornaments and the smell of a Christmas tree. There is peace in celebrating the birth of the greatest gift in our faith. It’s all done in hopes we’ll create the ultimate Hallmark Christmas magic and making precious memories.
The holiday gets more and more commercial every single year. Christmas trees and all the trimmings are on the shelves before Halloween candy goes on sale. Black Friday starts Thanksgiving morning and nutty people camp out in store parking lots waiting for the doors to open. Kids beyond the Santa Claus stage greedily make out their holiday lists with expensive gifts they expect on Christmas morning. It’s a season filled with beliefs and behaviors which contradict one another and crack the foundation of the reason for the season.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the excitement of holiday preparation and someone going all out for the celebration. Everything is right in being generous and spreading love and goodwill. To me, it’s similar to the overly cheerful morning person who is raring to go before the first cup of coffee–go for it and enjoy every single second. You do you, Boo, ’cause the world definitely needs the exuberance.
Me, though? I needed to step off the hamster wheel. My gift-giving purchasing has been downsized considerably. When the budget limit hits–that’s it–there’s no going into debt to buy unneeded or frivolous presents. We live in an instant gratitude society where people get what they want when they want it–do we really need an extra sweater or pajama set at Christmas? How many ornaments can we collect? How often do those new appliances or kitschy gadgets sit unused for months at a time? I find it so much more rewarding to donate to causes we cherish or anonymously give to someone in need. My parents raised me knowing the true gift was time together and staying in touch with loved ones throughout the year.
I love the meaning of Christmas and the warm and fuzzy feelings it is supposed to bring, but it has always been tinged with sadness. It started when I was eight–the year we lost both my beloved grandfather and my 17-year-old uncle. Over the years, the sadness magnified as we lost siblings. As the empty chairs around the table multiplied, the Christmas magic quickly dwindled. As a grown woman, I experienced great joy in watching my daughter on Christmas mornings, and loved being part of her children’s pageants, concerts, and holiday parties–but I still couldn’t shake the underlying sadness.
It’s the time of year when loneliness is magnified, losses are felt more keenly, and distance causes homesickness. I’m not alone in the feeling. For a quick dose of reality–the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future don’t visit like they do in the movies and Santa Claus doesn’t grant every wish.
It’s perplexing the way Christmas peace, love, and joy all get packed away with the ornaments once the holiday is over. We seek seasonal volunteer opportunities and donate to helpful charities during this time of year because our hearts are drawn into the ‘joy’ of the season. Those services and monies are needed the entire year, though–not just in December. As soon as January hits, the majority of us are back to our usual routines.
As we traverse through this crazy season and enjoy the things which make the holiday special, it’s important to remember those who have lost loved ones and are struggling to make it one minute at a time. There are people without happy memories and ‘family gathering’ is an abstract concept they’ve never experienced. There are loved ones reluctant to reach out to family because of past rifts and disagreements. There are families who know Santa is only wishful thinking because there are no presents under the imaginary tree in their nonexistent home on Christmas morning. There are folks simply forgotten and alone. It’s my mission to get out of my own head to see the pain in others and offer a hug, a phone call, time, resources, and a kind and meaningful gesture. Not just now, but throughout the entire year.
I want to wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas, whether you are bursting with holiday spirit or just wishing it would quickly pass. It’s the time to cherish all the loved ones still occupying the chairs around the holiday table. For those who are celebrating the season with a loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you–I’ve been there, and the despair can be overwhelming.
Sometimes, it’s a victory just to survive.
With love,
Dawn
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Right on girlfriend. Amen and amen.
Love you!
You are so right – I had to be away from home ONE Christmas to realize that my world would survive without all of the “must dos” – And then we decided to full-time and all of the trappings & decorations moved on to new homes. We recently ‘went home’ for a pre-holiday visit. I could see the frenzy in the lives of people who are still in their traditional roles and places. I am so glad to be ‘on the road’ where life can proceed at a gentle place. I do holiday cards to keep in touch, we love hearing from everyone. And I love seeing others’ lights. As you mentioned, my husband and I buy what we want as we want, so we are in mutual agreement that we will celebrate the season without gifts. I know many of our friends and family do not understand and feel sorry for us being ‘far away’ during the holidays, but we enjoy the memories and sharing small moments with new friends. No frantic pressure. Enjoy your holidays.
Such truth, Dawn. We are definitely downsizing this year and making it more about being together as a family rather than a ton of presents under the tree. Very Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Merry Christmas Dawn! The holiday used to be a big deal for me, then it lost all it’s glow after the divorce. Then, for other reasons, it just seems like such a commercial scam. I so agree with what you wrote and like a comment above, I am happy to be on the road and away from the frenzy.
Well said Dawn. Thank you
Wonderful post, Dawn! Our Christmas frenzy stopped when I retired and we moved. I remember saying I’d love to have a holiday without so much pressure, and now we do. I was the church organist, and John was the executive choir director (he picked out the music, and I directed it). We also hosted John’s family Christmas Day dinner. Now we are free to worship leisurely. So far we’ve had a family member or so and a few neighbors join us for our traditional meal. We buy a few gifts and sometimes receive a few. It doesn’t really matter. The real meaning of Christmas is so much easier to think about without the secular pressures.
Merry Christmas!
Excellent post. Years ago, we stopped buying my niece and nephew traditional gifts and started paying for lessons and experiences that they were interested in… soccer practice, music lessons, memberships to the local children’s museum, etc. It simply fits more with our mentality of the things that matter. I think kids have more than enough junk around them these days. Trying new things and learning new skills and developing new hobbies seemed, to us, to be a better option than another toy that would be quickly broken or tossed to the bottom of the pile.
In any case, I agree with all of your sentiments. The holidays have really gotten out of control and people seem to forget what it’s really all about. Thank you for writing so thoughtfully about it.
We wish you a very Merry Christmas and the best in the new year.
Thank you for writing this. Your honest viewpoint of Christmas, interspersed with your personal tragedies, is cause for all of us to pause and think. We do need to be there for one another, to look beyond ourselves, to care more for others. Christmas is not all happy moments, like some Hallmark movie. Life can be hard, especially on the holidays. I get that.
I wish for you a peaceful Christmas, Dawn. You truly celebrate for the right reason, honoring the birth of our Saviour and not getting trapped in worldly things.
Great post. I’ve been coping with a “Bah humbug!” attitude, and realized it’s the crazy commercialism surrounding the season that bothers me the most.